Alicismo

Lonely Alice sat dejected and miserable when the White Rabbit come along, slowly for once, searching and muttering anxiously: “The Duchess! The Duchess! Oh, my dear paws! Oh, my fur and whiskers! She will have me executed as sure as ferrets are ferrets! Where can I have dropped them, I wonder?”

Suddenly the White Rabbit marched towards Alice angrily. “Why, Mary Ann, what are you doing out here?” he demanded. “Run home this moment and fetch me a pair of gloves and a fan.”

There was little use protesting that she was not Mary Ann, for the White Rabbit sang to her: The Last Word is Mine.

A drowsy, dreamy summer day…a boat on the river…cattle graze in the fields…a bird chirps in the stillness…the picnic tea is finished. Lorina, the eldest of the Liddell sisters, weaves chains from daisies picked by her little sister Edith. Alice, the sister in the middle, has built a house of cards and sighs over it as Lorina slowly swings a daisy chain to and fro, to and fro, before her eyes. Alice’s eyelids droop. She hardly notices that her friend Mr. Dodgson has started to tell one of his stories about her…

Suddenly she sits up entranced. Her house of playing cards goes over and in a roaring rush of wind the cards bowl down a rabbit hole. Then the most extraordinary White Rabbit trots along. He is wearing outdoor sports clothes and consults a large watch from his waistcoat pocket. “Oh dear, oh dear! I shall be too late,” he says and scampers down the tunnel after the cards. And Alice follows him till suddenly, OH! she is slowly, slowly falling down a well to land with just a slight bump on a heap of sticks and dry leaves. And there goes the White Rabbit still hurrying a little way ahead of her and muttering, “Oh, my ears and whiskers, how late it’s getting!” Alice has almost caught up with him when he turns a bend in the tunnel and disappears and she finds herself alone in a beautiful hall…and in Wonderland.

“Have you seen the Mock Turtle yet?” [the Queen] inquired kindly.

“Why — no — I don’t even know what a Mock Turtle is.”

“It’s what Mock Turtle soup is made from.”

No sooner had the Queen finished her speech than a terrific roar was head. A horrible head appeared on the hillside above them. It was the Gryphon. The Queen scuttled away in terror.

Slowly, the Gryphon uncoiled himself. His huge, snaky body seemed to come out from behind the rocks forever as Alice watched horror-stricken. Once again the Gryphon roared. Suddenly, however, the roar changed into a chuckle.

“What is the fun?” puzzled Alice.

“The Queen. They never really execute anybody she condemns, you know! The King — Ho! Ho! — the King pardons everybody.”

Dodgson’s social life flourished, with Alice in Wonderland now bringing him introductions to all sorts of interesting people, as photography had done in the past. He maintained his friendship with the Terrys and made many new child-friends — in Oxford, on the train, through their parents, at the seaside. Ethel and Julia Arnold, nieces of the poet Matthew Arnold, were favorite friends and photographic models; Julia was the future mother of Aldous Huxley.

Ethel’s anecdote of a meeting between Dodgson and his child-friends conjures up a vivid picture of an encounter: “A number of little girls, bursting with youthful spirits, and all agog for mischief, danced along one of the paths, a staid governess bringing up the rear. Presently one of their number spied a tall black clerical figure in the distance, swinging along toward the group with a characteristic briskness, almost jerkiness, of step. — ‘Here comes Mr. Dodgson,’ she cried. ‘Let’s make a barrier across the path so that he can’t pass.’ No sooner said than done — the children joined hands and formed a line across the path; the clerical figure, appreciating the situation, advanced at the double and charged the line with his umbrella. The line broke in confusion, and the next moment four of the little band were clinging to such portions of the black-coated figure as they could seize upon. Two little people, however, hung back, being seized by sudden shyness and a sudden consciousness of their audacity, a sudden awe of this tall, dignified gentleman in black broadcloth and white tie. But in a moment he had shaken off the clinging, laughing children, and before the two little strangers had time to realize what had happened, they found themselves trotting along either side of him, a hand of each firmly clasped in the strong, kind hands of Lewis Carroll, and chattering away as if they had known him all their lives. Thus began a lifelong friendship between Lewis Carroll and the younger of these two little girls, myself.”

Soon the game was in progress. Flamingos were used as mallets, and hedgehogs for balls. The wickets were soldiers, doubled over and standing on their hands and feet. At first the game was fast and furious but the players and the balls, mallets and wickets soon became tired. The Queen was furious.

“Heads! Heads! Why have no heads been cut off?” she demanded.

Alice managed to reach the edge of the field, and holding her flamingo, watched the mad scene in amazement. Over her head the Cheshire Cat came slowly into view.

“How are you getting on?” it grinned.

“I’ve never been so frightened,” admitted Alice, dropping her bird, which immediately flew away. “So many people have been losing their heads — I’m frightened it’s my turn soon.”

“So you don’t like the Queen?” asked the Cat in a low voice.

“Not at all. She’s so extremely…” At that moment the Queen walked close to Alice. Seeing her, the girl changed the sentence to… “She’s so extremely likely to win that it’s hardly worth playing.”

The Queen smiled and passed on. Alice winked at the Cat, who winked back.

“Take care! Something’s going to happen,” screamed the White Queen.

As she said this the candles on the table became fireworks, the bottles and dishes developed wings and started to fly about while the animals climbed upon the table and started toward the girl. All of them now seemed bent on her destruction. The Gryphon, the White Rabbit, the Dodo Bird, the Mad Hatter and the March Hare, came leaping toward her, glaring balefully.

Frankly, completely, and utterly terrified, Alice waited her doom.

Down the table came the animals in their slow, menacing march. Through smoke and lightning, each growling, grumbling or squeaking ominously as he advanced, stepping on plates, crashing into glasses, upsetting dishes.

“I can’t stand this any longer!” Alice fairly shrieked in despair. She grabbed at the table cloth and tugged with all her might. The cloth flew from under the advancing animals. they crashed to the floor in a bedlam of shouts and screams. Alice fell backward into her chair. As she did so the Red Queen bounced toward her.

Alice struggled madly with the Queen, and finally succeeded in freeing herself. Instantly the Queen soared away and Alice found herself floating toward the chair in front of her fireplace in her own living room. Her eyes tight shut, still struggling with the Queen, Alice dropped into the chair. In her struggles she picked up the kitten which had been sleeping. Slowly the girl opened her eyes.

“Why — why it’s Dinah,” she said wonderingly. “What a dream I’ve had.”

THE END

Alice was completely baffled by the strange things she was seeing and had about decided to continue her explorations when she happened to see a white rabbit in a frock coat coming along the garden path. He bustled along in a great hurry, his mind apparently on something highly important.

“The Duchess, the Duchess! Oh! Won’t she be savage if I’ve kept her waiting.” He drew a huge gold watch from his vest pocket as he passed by Alice, looked at it, and hurried on muttering: “Oh dear! I shall be too late.”

Alice jumped up and ran after him, but he soon dived down a rabbit-hole and disappeared. Alice dashed up madly, dropped to her knees, and, without a second’s hesitation dived head foremost down the hole after him.

Down, down, she fell, head over heels and heels over head. A long, long way down she caught sight of a jar of jam sitting on a little shelf on the side of the hole. For a moment she managed to stop herself while she debated whether she should eat some jam. Then, deciding that it was too clsoe to tea-time for that, she let herself go and continued her plunge. Finally she landed with a thump on a pile of leaves at the bottom of the hole and bounced out into a maze of gigantic children’s blocks.

“This must be China, at least,” she panted.

“Bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong — and BONG!”

“What time was that?” gasped the girl.

“I really haven’t any idea,” said the clock. “But it’s very late.”

“I assure you, my dear,” gasped His Majesty, “I turned cold to the very end of my whiskers.”

“You haven’t got any whiskers,” said the Queen with a sniff.

“Don’t quibble. At any rate, I shall never, never forget the horror of that moment.”

“You will forget if you don’t make a memorandum of it,” said the Queen.

“But how will I remember to make a memorandum of it?”

“You’ll have to make a memorandum to make a memorandum.”

“I shall be very happy to remind you,” interrupted Alice bending closer to the table.

The King cowered in fear. The Queen turned on Alice furiously.

“We will not be reminded by a volcano!”

“I am not a volcano! And I’m not a cyclone, either.”

“Then you’re either a cyclano or a volcone!” snapped the Queen.